MeNtaL cLoSuRe

I just need a break thats all. I need to be about a few important things before I get involved in a lot of things.

Love you too much Ordinaros

C Ya L8R

PS. I am not depressed. I just need to be still for a minute so I can let God be God.

World AIDS Day 2009

Words cannot describe the joy I feel as i commemorate this day...Is it a holiday? No! A birthday? No. It’s the day I get to think of all the loved ones I have lost to this disease. Today is the day where I get to fight it through spoken word, through actions and advice.

I can tell the people I care about to be wary of their actions, I can say CONDOMISE, without feeling embarrassed. I can say husbands- love only your wives and have sex only with your wives. I can say women submit only to your husbands sexually. Of course, there are other matters to be discussed about faithfulness and loyalty but not today....these things are not up for discussion, they are only UP FOR ACTION.

I know of men and women who may have begun having sex in their early teens/whenever...today is not the day for judging anyone, it’s the day for saying- Be wise, protect yourself and protect your lover. I know people who have one night stands- today is for saying, if you are not sure what they are carrying in their pockets, you can’t know what they have in their bodies- PROTECT YOURSELF.

I know of pregnant women who are HIV positive- this is not the day to be afraid but to receive information on drugs like Nevirapine, information about prevention from Mother- to-Child. This is a day to see that there are many children who have been born Virus free because of these drugs and are living long healthy lives.

I know of people who have cheated in their marriages/relationships and contracted the disease. This is a day to tell you that hospitals, clinics have information on ARVs and proper diet plans to help you live a happy healthy life.

I know of people who think WHY BOTHER if they are going to die anyway- this is a most beautiful day to tell you, you can talk to someone: a doctor, a friend, a therapist, the Lord, a priest- because HIV/AIDS is not frowned upon anymore. People have loads of information so they will not discriminate against you. There are ways to break habits without breaking your spirit so LISTEN today.

I know of young teens who are thinking- to have SEX or NOT to have sex- try to abstain. Draw from resources of how others have managed to stay celibate even when they have boyfriends or girlfriends...today is the day to ASK and SPEAK about it.

I know of people who contracted the virus through drug use...this is the day to find out where to get new unused syringes. Those who prostitute, find out how to be more careful when turning tricks or even how to get an income without turning tricks. This is the day.

To a child playing amongst his/her friends knowing he is different from others because he is carrying HIV. There is hope and there are treatments so you can have a wonderful healthy full life.

To the child who thinks they can only watch their parents die because they are infected, today is the day when people are shoving information about forgiveness, hope, love and treatments for your family. You only need to get one pamphlet, in fact grab them all. There's no shame in knowing too much.

For each person-today is a day to celebrate awareness, life and refreshed hope.

God Bless you all Ordinaros

love

T

Midnight Prayer

I am not strong enough to keep going down this road

Watching memories fleet by

Watching my dreams become dimmer and dimmer

Where is my glow?

Where is my hope?

Where is my focus?

Where am I going wrong?

They say breathe;

Then Lord carry my breath,

From my lungs so I can exhale.

They say keep walking;

Then Lord steady my legs.

They say stop crying;

Then Lord wipe away my fears

I am not strong enough to keep going down this way,

Lord, ready my place in tomorrow,

For surely the troubles of yesterday,

Surely Lord,

They are done with me.

Foony Thing.....

This morning, I felt a deep need to pray for my better half and I wrote a reminder in my journal

I did nothing about it until this evening after having a conversation with my friend about a guy I fancied whom I feel would never be my type because we come from such different backgrounds. He hustles basically and his academic career probably ended at A levels, by choice I presume, because his father is the Chairman of He-BETTER-GET-HIS-BEHIND-BACK-TO-SCHOOL so really it would have been his choice right? Here I am secretly fostering a plan to go do a PhD afterward. How will we work around that? Yes I jumped plenty of steps...but I am a planner like that. I can pretend not to care and wing it and flirt with him like a house on fire but that will do me no good because that's my heart on the line so meThinks choose now, decide now whether to feel or not to feel past friendship...but these feelings are working overtime I tell you. It seems my mind took an extra long lunch break too (which is why I am laying here, typing, instead of studying COMPACTNESS, OPEN SETS, BLAH BLAH)

Anyway, while speaking to my good friend, I mentioned that I liked this guy so much that one day, I slept at one in the afternoon just to get him off my brain...of course i met him in my dreams..aaagh. Earlier today,I called my cousin and "him" happened to be in the room too (MIND OUT OF GUTTER-they were in an office with 5-10 other people present, okay maybe 2-6 people) so she matchmakerly invited him into the conversation on loudspeaker!!! And 'the fool' (term of endearment) says 'Hesi baby' and i full-on giggled. I couldn't say anything other than hey back after that...I seriously need to start dating or mingling more because I can't keep acting the fool, trippin' over what some guys say...its not really some guys-ITS JUST THIS GUY!

So i told my friend how i felt and how it couldn't be and she led me toward praying for him..you know for him to succeed in his endeavors and to become the man he is meant to be and to just persevere no matter what hardships he may face. I prayed for him after dinner...then i looked at my journal tonight and there it was, pray for your hubby. IS THIS A SIGN?

In other news, I thought about my tante this evening and this little phrase popped up in my head,

"We have lost you, but somehow, we have found each other"

Then as I write this, I hear, "but you haven't lost me silly, you know where I am".

Goodnight all. May God's peace be with you, not the world's peace but only that peace which He gives..seeing He is God and Everything...it should be pretty worth your while to receive it.

Love TALKoum (powder hehe ;0)